my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You don't make any sense
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