Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
