Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
