I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
