He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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