i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
