No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
