You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
