M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
