I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
