The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
