a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
