I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
