I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Kiss
Puke
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
