can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
