I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
