she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
