It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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