he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
