Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
