I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
