You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
