worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
