By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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