I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
