Too much gin, very little bucket
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
