The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
