I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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