i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
