Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
There r osticjed everywhere
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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