arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
