Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
