you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
