Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
