party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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