either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
