I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
