Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think people are normalizing furries
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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