Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I enjoy the company of your penis
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
