I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
