We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
