So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
