We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
