Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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