I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
