The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
