Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
