You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
