I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
