genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
