i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
