why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
