..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
