I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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