you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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